Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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