what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
