just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
