no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
