somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
