I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
