somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
