how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
