Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
