And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
