a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
