I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
