How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
