She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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