Actions speak louder than pants.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Less talking, more tequila
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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