I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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