Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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