so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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