what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
