just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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