i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
