Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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