Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
