Yo dont text me then not text me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
