marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
