oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
