And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
