my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
