Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
