they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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