I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
