Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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