I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
