whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
