I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
only if we run a train.
done.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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