ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
