At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
