hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
