We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
