If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
