his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
