I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
