I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
