This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
