If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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