the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
