i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
