I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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But theres a keg here and me gusta
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.