I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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