im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
