she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize