In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
