Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
