I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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