her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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