Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
