dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
