RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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