I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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