yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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