i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
