How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
