I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
