I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
