Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
