I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
