Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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