So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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