Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
