Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
