i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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