I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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