people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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