wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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