ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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