the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think your dad took our porno
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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