just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
