Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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