Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
