I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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